You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
