I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
