I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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