She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize