the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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