I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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