cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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