I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
