The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
