dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
