do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
