It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
