i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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