id be glad to
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
