the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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