WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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