i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
