I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
