The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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