maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
