There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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