I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
