do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize