The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
