Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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