May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
