A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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