Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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