I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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