It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
