my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
love makes seman taste better
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
