He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
