Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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