just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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