But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
