My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
