we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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