Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
