nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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