I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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