i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
