Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
