There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
