Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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