mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
