That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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