You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
