Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
