A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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