my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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