my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
