Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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