I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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