why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
