Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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