You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
