we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
