Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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