he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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