Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
