I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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