i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
