lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
