you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
