fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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