I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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