Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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