And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
