she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
