Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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