That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
smell my finger.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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